The extent to which that was a pain in the ass is actually beyond my ability to describe right now. No, wait. That's not true. Fuck. FUCK CREST SPARKLE KIDS TOOTH GEL. Yeah, that's close.
It's blue. And sticky. And smells like fake bubble gum. Did I mention that it's blue? It's also all over the carpet upstairs, all over Josh's toys, all over his clothes, a little on the walls, but mostly the carpet. And it's blue...
I just spent the last few hours trying to clean this up. Well, I also went to retrieve Zach, more on that in a minute. I used an entire bottle of Woolite OxyClean Deep carpet stain remover. That wasn't even close to being enough. I didn't have any more carpet cleaner on hand. So, I grabbed an all purpose cleaner I use mostly in the kitchen. The cleaner is like, whoa, lady, that's not my thing. So I was all like, guess what? Now you're carpet cleaner. Cleaner said, BRING IT - it's a good cleaner. So we went back to work. Cleaner says, Lady, I think we need Special Ops for this one. So I head to the laundry room and grab the laundry spot/stain treater stuff. Stuff says, hey, I'm in laundry, I don't do carpets. I ask how carpet is really all that different from clothes and stuff said I had a point. I've been watching Blue's Clues for 12 years straight, you think I'm not going to be talking to inanimate objects in my house?
SO all purpose cleaner and laundry stain stuff worked together. With a lot of help from my right hand/arm.
Then I ran out of paper towel. And energy. So I'm done with the stupid blue toothpaste cleaning for now.
In other news, where was I? Oh yeah, some sentimental crap about Zach growing up. I was having a moment. The moment got pooped on by a full tube of Crest Sparkle Kids Tooth Gel.
I picked him up at the theater and he is fine. The earth is still spinning in the right direction and I don't have to rip anyone's lungs out because they messed with my kid. Score 1 for successful milestones. I asked him how the movie was and if there were many people there. He said the place was almost full and that there was a baby in the seat next to him. A baby? Yeah, a baby. It was in a purse. Ummmmmm, what? The baby was in a purse. The mother apparently came in, put this purse down on the seat beside Zach, and then she sat in the seat next to it. He looked over at the purse. It was open, then he saw a blanket move. He looked in a bit and saw a baby, asleep, in a blanket, in the purse. I ask him if this was really a "purse" or if it was like a bigger bag, and he insists it was a purse. Bigger than what I carry, but not as big as his gym bag. A PURSE!? "Yea, mom, a PURSE." Uh, wow. Weird? "Yeah, the baby slept the whole time. The mom just sat there with her sunglasses on and didn't pay any attention to it." Sunglasses. What? "Yeah, you know, the really big dark ones like movie stars wear when they don't want people noticing them." During the movie... she wore them the whole time? "Yep. She wore the sunglasses the whole time. Never paid any attention to the purse baby."
I don't even know what to do with that.
On a side note, last night, while discussing his impending solo outing I requested that he and his friend not go crazy just because there would be no adult supervision. Zach's response: "I promise we won't thieve anything, ok?" Me: "Well, that's awesome. I was thinking more along the lines of not making too much noise and kicking people's seats, but yeah, not becoming a complete delinquent is good too. Nice use of the word thieve, by the way." Zach: "Thanks".